Talking about some doing some things that don’t come naturally.  I’ll be heading to Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly this weekend with Diane from The Invisible Disability.

I wanted to let you all know that I am very proud to now be working with The SITS Girls as one of their forum leads.  I am grateful for this opportunity to work with a fabulous community of bloggers for bloggers.  They have so much information and are a great way to connect with other bloggers.

So check out The SITS Girls here.

See my bio along with other fabulous women here.

And please participate in the forums here.

My oldest is about to graduate high school and go off to college while my youngest is about to turn 7.  Where in the world did the time go?

Everyone says it.

Oh, they grow up so fast.  They’ll be grown before you know it.  Blah blah blah.

You hear that when they are babies and think that these people must be insane.  As you are bleary eyed and sleep deprived and cooing over an infant, you can’t possibly imagine them as adults.  Heck, you can even see them walking at that point.

But then it happens.

Days go by.

Milestones occur.

First day of preschool.

Lost a tooth.

First crush.

OMG they are learning to drive!

I really can’t believe it.  I have no more babies.  My teens can act more mature than I (sometimes).

Everyday they get older.

And everyday closer to leaving me.

I am still in denial about my oldest going to college because when I think about it, I cry.

I wish for my 2 youngest to be babies again.

Can I freeze time?  How do I slow it down?  I swear I am missing it.

They grow up so fast.

My Dad grew up in New Jersey and is a die hard Phillies fan.  When I was young, we would go to my grandparents’ house and head to Veteran’s Stadium for games.  Although I have never been into watching baseball on television, I loved going to the stadium for games.

As an adult, I have been to a few baseball games but it has been over 20 years since the last time I saw the Phillies play live.

Last weekend I went to the Phillies and Nationals game with my Mom and Dad, brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew.

We had awesome seats.  Just 2 rows away from the field.  My nephew even got his mitt signed by one of the Phillies players.

It was pretty hot at first but then sprinkled on us and got overcast so it was quite pleasant.

But the best part was being there and feeling like I was a little girl again.  With my mommy and daddy and my little brother.

I had a silly little grin on my face the whole time.

As a mom, I spend a lot of time and energy on the kids and it was such a wonderful little escape for me.

When I look back through my blog posts I wonder if anyone can follow my crazy thoughts and feelings.  I’m pretty random, posting about my struggles, funny family stories, not-so-funny family stories, vacations, and pretty much whatever else enters my head.

One day I’m happy.

The next I’m miserable.

Then something funny happens and I share.

It’s almost like this blog is written by many different people.

But, it is all me.

I may be random, I may be hard to “get”, I may be crazy, but I put it all out there because it’s what I feel and it’s what I think and it’s mine.

I love having this blog.  I love that people can make a comment relating to whatever whim I fancied to write about.

I love that I have a space that is mine all mine.

I haven’t been posting quite as much even though I seem to have a ton of thoughts in my head that want to get out.  I hope to get a bit more organized and get those posts out of my head.

I’m quite the brilliant writer when trying to fall asleep at night or in the car with no outlet for my thoughts.  Anyone who creates a thought recorder that will type it all out for later use please add me to your beta-test list.  That would be awesome.

Linking up with Mama Kat’s Writer’s workshop this week.  Since I’ve been pretty stressed at work lately I figured this prompt would force me to remember the good parts.

5.) What do you love most about your job?

I’ve been at the same job since I graduated college.  Except for almost 2 years when I had my kids, I’ve been there the whole time.

I like what I do (most of the time) and the people I work with.

I love that I can feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in my work.

I love that the people I work with understand what I’m talking about when I get a little geeky.  And that I can understand their geek talk.

But the part of my job I really love most is the flexibility.

When I went back to work after my daughter was born, I could only do half time and wanted to work most of my hours from home.  They worked with me to create a schedule that was mutually beneficial.

Later on, I moved to work completely from home and they set me up with equipment for a home office.  I have been working part time from home ever since and it is what works best for me and for my family right now.

I can be flexible with my hours when necessary to work around kids appointments and school days off and such.  It works really well most of the time.

I’m not sure what we would do without this kind of flexibility.  I really like being in both the at home mom and work for pay worlds.  Well, we need the whole “pay” part of that.  But it is nice to be able to put the kids on the bus and be here when they get home while also getting to do the work I went to college for.

I am grateful for the flexibility that I have.

Grumpy (Photo credit: mindseyeimagery)

I’m in a funk.  Not funk as in 70′s retro.  Funk as in blah.  Meh.  Hmmrph.

A few weeks back I mentioned that I was struggling with another depressive episode.  After that, I was feeling it lift a bit and starting to look up.

So, needless to say, being in a funk has me a bit worried about a backslide.

Will the tears come?

The sadness and frustration?

The hopelessness?

I haven’t felt much like blogging.  Or reading blogs.

Been only glancing at Facebook and Twitter.  Blew off a Mom’s Night Out.  Haven’t read much of my books.

Those are my “Me” things and I’ve been uninterested.

So how do I de-funk myself?

I hear a crash and the sound of glass hitting the floor.  In a simultaneous head swing and jump action I am immediately by her side.  She’s on her knees staring at her arm which is sticking through the window.

I gently bring her arm back into the house and remove a large piece of glass.  Blood everywhere.

I lose it for a few minutes.  I really think she might bleed to death.

T brings me a paper towel and I put a ton of pressure on the wound.  My stepsons E and R have come running as they heard me scream and it woke them up.

When they see her on the floor and the broken window, they know she is hurt but things look much better.  I’ve gotten the bleeding under control with the compression.

I grab hold of my control and start barking orders.  Call 911.  Call Hubby who was on his way back from an appointment.

T is crying because he is scared so E and R talk to him to calm him down.  I am so thankful they were here to comfort him.

I focus on calming A down.  Tell her that the ambulance is coming and she is going to be just fine.

Things settle down as the paramedics arrive and make sure it isn’t as bad as my mind imagined the first few minutes.  They wrap it up to prepare for the hospital.  She gets to ride in the ambulance and they give her a cute little bear to keep.

At the hospital they clean and assess the wound.  Turns out there are 3 punctures.

X-rays are next to see if there is still glass inside.  They see 3 slivers.

They try 2 different configurations to get the glass out.  First by feel, second in radiology.  Neither time can they get the glass.

She has had a really rough day.  There was a lot of pain during certain points in her treatment.  She must have asked “are you done yet” about a thousand times.

We were in the ER for about 6 hours before they refer us to a surgeon to deal with the remaining glass.

She’s a trooper.  Two chocolate milkshakes during the day to help her through.

After they are in bed, I finally relax enough to cry my eyes out.  I was glad I was able to do what was necessary for her.

Moms seem to switch into super woman mode when their kids are hurt and shut off their own emotions until later.  Aside from those first few minutes, I didn’t feel until the only witness was Hubby.

I was scared.  And I’m having trouble removing the images and fear of those first few minutes from my mind.

I am so thankful she is OK.  She will have a minor surgery to remove the last slivers of glass.

She really wanted to go to school so she could tell her friends and get some well deserved celebrity treatment.  But she’ll have to wait until after the surgery.

I want to keep her close.

Hold onto her a little tighter for just a little while.

Hubby and I had a long talk last night.  The depression has crept up on me again.  I spend so much of my time and energy trying to balance between the depression and anxiety and chronic pain.  It is exhausting.  And sometimes I balance OK and things are fine.  And other times one of those weights I balance sneaks up and smacks me down.

I’m in a smacked down state right now.  The headaches have been worse (thanks Mother Nature) and my stress is at a staggering high.  The depression caught me off guard.  Again.  The anxiety is waiting in the wings as I sit in denial that my oldest stepson is going to go off into the world by himself to college in a matter of months.

So I’m struggling and I’m tired and I’m angry and I’m sad.

This morning I pulled my son’s schoolwork out and found this.

And it made me smile.

It made me feel hopeful.

It made me feel loved and appreciated.

And that is something I really needed.

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I love linking up with Shell.