Respect My Authority!

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I can see and hear Cartman in my head when I am struggling to get my kids to listen and do what I say.  He’s in his little cop uniform belting out the demand.  But nobody cares.

I really just can’t figure out how to get stubborn kids to listen and actually do what I say.  Not every request gets ignored but there is a lot of selective hearing and outright ignoring going on.

We have consequences for misbehavior and they lose privileges and get timeouts.  They also get positive reinforcement with the opportunity to earn rewards.  We’ve employed all the typical procedures outlined in the 9 billion books I’ve read on parenting.  And, those things work to a degree.  But the kids can still be defiant and just choose to ignore our requests, instructions, statements, demands, whatever.

Case in point.  The age old “stop touching your brother/sister”.  They’ve just done it, you tell them to stop and they do it again.  You get excuses like “he/she was looking/laughing at me” or “I didn’t hear you” or “but he/she started it”.  I don’t give a crap about the excuses, I said to stop and they didn’t stop.

Why didn’t they listen?

I am the parent.  When I say something, the kid is supposed to listen and do what I say.  So I give a consequence or take away a privilege or whatever but does that really affect the next time?  It is supposed to.  They are supposed to learn to listen.

When do I reap the rewards of all this teaching how to listen?

I think back to when those from my generation were kids.  Things were less politically correct back then.  When kids misbehaved, they got paddled, spanked, smacked, or some such kind of physical punishment.  Or they were verbally abused into submission.

I don’t like any of those ways of teaching a kid to do what I say.  I just can’t stomach hurting a kid to teach them not to hurt.  Or being mean to a kid to teach them how not to be mean.  It’s logic I can’t comprehend.

But on the other hand, it seemed to work for many folks.  Or maybe it caused us issues later in life.  Who knows.  (BTW, I wasn’t beaten or verbally abused as a kid.  I think I may have been spanked a few times but honestly don’t even remember)

I just don’t get how you find a balance between parenting by fear and parenting by example/reinforcement that teaches kids to listen and follow what you say while they learn to be responsible adults.  It is maddening!

Sometimes they seem like they don’t listen because it is just inconvenient for them.  As if what they are doing/saying is much more important than anything other requests so they ignore.  I get that it is mostly due to their view of themselves as the center of the universe and as they grow, that perception will change.

But other times it is a calculated and stubborn act of defiance.  The power struggle.  And I never seem to have the power.  Whatever privilege they will lose for whatever reason isn’t important to them at that time.  Time outs are no big deal.  I just can’t seem to get the upper hand to get them to stop, think and consider what the consequences are of what they are doing or not doing.  It is beyond frustrating.

I spend so much time trying to make sure we are doing the “right” thing to parent our kids and that we are teaching them what they need to get through life.  And when they don’t play their part and follow along I just blame myself and try to figure out whatever it was that I did wrong.

Because I must be doing something wrong.  Otherwise they would respect my authority.

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Linking up with Shell

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